deconstructing the princess.

I’m glad the Brothers Grimm are quite dead, because I think Rapunzel was a hoax.  Furthermore, I think Sleeping Beauty is a tale of lies, and that every familiar damsel-in-distress story needs to be debunked.  Sure, there is a Prince Charming in each escapade, and let’s not forget the timeless tower in which the princess is locked.  But not one of those renditions is the truth.

First of all, there was never a witch.  “Witch” is just an easy category to classify any old and cantankerous woman who tires of being wrinkly and desires to be youthful and vibrant once more.  That, or they are just jealous that they can’t have babies anymore so they force unlucky families to surrender their daughters.  Fairy-tale writers need to stop typecasting the old women and leave them in peace.  Second of all, Prince Charming never fought a witch.  He might have encountered a dragon here or there, but they are irrelevant.  And most of all, the princess isn’t placed in the tower by an evil enchantress.  She isn’t induced to sleep for 100 years in the highest room in the highest tower and she sure isn’t imprisoned against her will.  Or confined to a closet by her evil stepmother.  Rather, it is quite the opposite.

You see, the princess makes her own tower.  She builds her own room away from the rest of the world.  Fairy tales have ruined everything, you see, because they paint a picture of a hopeless girl who is in dire need of a rescue.  No.  The real princess digs her own foundation, sets her own base, mixes her own concrete and slabs it on one after the other until it’s high enough to ward off the outside world.  Her tower is her haven, her security, her habitat and her comfort zone.  She is there by choice.

You see, the princess is not unfamiliar with the pangs of love.  She knows what disappointment feels like — particularly after her parents traded her in for a bunch of rapunzel leaves.  Furthermore, she has seen the horrors that occur as an outcome of love: Helen falls in love with Paris and starts a war, Bertha marries Rochester and he proceeds to lock her up in his attic, and Eponine dies for Marius despite the fact that her love is unrequited.  Oh no no no no no no… the princess is determined to avoid such tragedy.  And so she builds her own tower, plants her own bramble bushes around the tower, and makes sure to bring lots of books and albums with her so that she can enjoy Hemingway with a glass of Merlot while listening to Debussy preludes in the background.  Mmm-hmm.

Everything is hunky-dory, that is, until Prince Charming-and-a-Half arrives from over the hill with a great big demolition ball with the words “COME AWAY WITH ME” emblazoned on it.

I guess sometimes it takes smarter Prince Charmings (hence, that is why I added “and-a-Half” at the end) to woo us.  Instead of glistening white stallions and glittering ruby-studded swords, he comes with a demolition ball.  And his own copy of Hemingway and a score of Ravel’s Sonatine.

It’s a pity that the princess didn’t foresee the need for an escape latch.

That’s when you realize that you’re in deep.