kiss-repellants and four-eyed spectating.
My fiance calls my glasses “kiss-repellants.”
He’s rather proud of his ingenuity, though I beg to differ. From my perspective, being cursed with nearsightedness is one of the most irritating things about being mortal. Being christened “four-eyes” and constantly associated with qualities such as “nerdy” or “brainy” by greater society was never one of my favorite childhood past-times. I never saw myself as a “glasses” person; I wanted to be able to see the world for its colors and sights on my own. When I turned 12, I implored my parents to let me wear contacts so that I would no longer suffer in my adolescent angst. A few weeks later, I sat down with an eyeball expert at a small table and attempted to place a hydrophilic soft lens into my eye.
I poked myself quite a bit before I got the hang of it, of course, but I was determined: no more “four-eyes” for me!!! I walked into school the next day a new woman, transformed by the glistening pieces of plastic stuck over my corneas… I knew that my life would never be the same again…
Four years later, a violent staphylococcus infection rendered me contact-less for several months. After my eyes healed, I vowed never to sleep in a box again (I contracted the infection from sleeping outdoors in an old box; don’t ask). I was rim-less by the time I was to enter my first year of college. I breathed a deep sigh of relief; how dreadful it would be to have to wear glasses in college! (Inject heavy sarcasm here)
My college years without glasses sailed smoothly on by. That is, until last October rolled around. I woke up one morning and found that the all-too familiar redness in my eye had returned with a vengeance. Oh no! I said to myself. Not again! Because I had no time (or health insurance) at the time, I couldn’t see my ophthalmologist right away. I decided to suck it up for a few months. When I was finally able to schedule an appointment with my ophthalmologist earlier this summer, I was prescribed an antibiotic for a week before able to use my contacts again. The redness cleared up in a week, and I went on with my life, undeterred by spectacles again.
However, my bliss was soon interrupted by another bout of redness-in-the-eye. I took another trip to the ophthalmologist, carrying the same complaints as I did during my previous appointment, and walked away with antibiotic in my hand once more. In the meantime, I discarded all eye make-up, contact cases, and anything that had the potential to provoke another infection. But the redness continued to return, causing me to finally lose my patience.
I recounted my spectacle tales to my good friend Emily the other day, drastically dramaticizing my dire plight of eternal glass-wearing. She sympathized and assured me that I wasn’t alone. She felt the same way towards her glasses and agreed with me that they were quite annoying at times. To cheer me up, she helped me compile a list of pros and cons to wearing glasses:
PROS:
1 – glasses prevent you from falling asleep when you’re reading
2 – they protect your eyes when you are frying bacon (or torching creme brulee)
3 – glasses are convenient, particularly on lazy weekend mornings and sleep-depriving exam week
4 – glasses are cheaper than contacts
5 – glasses make you look super intellectual, moreso than you really are (which is true in my case)
6 – they can be quite a fashion statement
7 – cool people like Bono wear them
8 – some glasses are made of indestructible stuff … like Nalgene bottles
CONS:
1 – glasses slide off your nose when you go running (a pet peeve Em and I both share)
2 – glasses don’t prevent you from crying when you’re cutting onions, like contacts do
3 – they make you look extra dorky when you have lab goggles on
4 – they really ARE kiss-repellants
5 – if someone trips you and you fall flat on your face, glasses break immediately
6 – if you’re someone whose vision is as bad as mine, you depend on glasses like you depend on having deodorant in Phys.Ed
7 – you have to take them off when you’re getting your picture taken because of the flash
8 – glasses make it quite difficult to wear stunna shades
After we finished brainstorming, I began to realize that my myopic condition wasn’t just physical. My myopia is spiritual. I was so frustrated with being unable to wear my contacts that I had forgotten what a blessing it was to be able to see — what a blessing it was to be able to access an ophthalmologist with insurance, to afford contact lenses, to afford a pair of glasses, and to have the hope of finding a solution to my problem. Amidst my anxiety, I was being showered with God’s goodness. But because I was blinded by vanity and selfishness, I was unable to receive those blessings.
Maybe the ophthalmologist will tell me that I have a condition that renders me incapable of wearing lenses ever again. Maybe I’ll go blind within the next 10 years. Whatever the case, I definitely don’t have it the worst. So what if I have to wear kiss-repellants for the rest of my life? There are plenty of ways to get around that problem… 
