swiss cheese hearts.

I am twenty-two years old. I am getting married in 132 days.

Many people think I’m too young to be getting married. They tell me that it’s impossible for someone as young as I am to know whether I’ve finally found “the One.” They tell me that I don’t know myself well enough to commit “till death do us part.” They encourage me to stop being naive and immature — and to screw my head on right and continue to enjoy my freedom as a young and mobile woman.

And then there are others who tell me they envy my life: I have a strong, kind-hearted, handsome and stable man in my life who is crazy enough about me to want to spend the rest of his life with me. They tell me that I’m going to have the most beautiful children in the world one day. They tell me that, if they were in my shoes, they’d choose motherhood over graduate school in a heartbeat. They tell me I am lucky to be an engaged woman this Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day.

A little more than four years ago, my first love and I said goodbye to each other. It wasn’t one of those “I will always love you” goodbyes that left the door open at the end of the dark hallway. It also wasn’t one of those goodbyes where we held each other through the pain. It was abrupt — severing, gutting, searing, nauseating — final. We were both torn. When Valentine’s Day rolled around that year, I moped. It was awkward and shameful being newly single. It felt as though I was incapable of being loved. In desperate need of encouragement, I forced myself to write an email to other girls who were very near and dear to my heart. I felt much better after writing the letter and forgot about it soon after.

Not too long ago, I received an email from a dear friend of mine whom I have not spoken to in years. She had been one of the original recipients of the email I wrote in my Valentine’s Day desperation nearly four years ago. In her email, she recalled the words I wrote to her and the other young women. She quoted my own words back to me:

(written on February 14, 2006)

In the interest of the near-religious American celebration known as Valentine’s Day, here are some darn good things to remember about boys:

Choirs of angels don’t appear in the sky at their birth. Doves don’t come down from the sky when they are baptized. If tempted to eat when they are ravenous, they will most likely eat. They can’t turn water into wine. They can’t make the blind see. They can’t make the deaf hear. They can’t make the mute speak. They can’t make the crippled walk. They can’t raise the dead. They can’t do a thing for us when we’re bleeding. They can’t cast out demons. They can’t cure the diseased for good. They can’t make the rainclouds nor the seas listen to them. They definitely can’t turn 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread into dinner for 5,000. There sure aren’t coins in the mouths of fishes when they go fishing. They can’t curse trees and make them fruitless forever. They can’t be resurrected three days after they die. And they sure can’t save the human race from our depravity and wretched sin.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of great things boys and men have to offer us.

They can make us feel like a million bucks. They offer us rides. They open the doors for us. They buy us flowers and chocolate. They write us cute cards with the writing skills no one else knows they have, except for maybe their moms. They make songs for us with the singing skills they’d never fess up to having, unless maybe at gunpoint. They can have the best humor. They can be oh so clever. They have the smile, you know what I mean. And their eyes. They can be considerate. They can be loving. They can be caring. They can let us know we are beautiful. They can let us know we are valued. They can protect us. They can speak up for us. They can defend us. They can pray with us. They can pray for us. They can give us wisdom. They can give us insight. They can listen to us when we need them to. They’ll walk us places at night. They’ll make sure we get home okay. They can be relaxing when we’re too tired of other girls at times. They can make us want to be a better person. They have charm. They have life. They are taught to be providers, they are taught to lead, and they are taught to be strong for us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The point of this email is neither to bash on boys nor to downsize their significance in our lives. The point of this email is to point out that no matter how many wonderful boys and men we all know, none of them can ever match the kind of love and significance our Father in Heaven provides for us through Jesus Christ, the ultimate Lover of our soul:

“But now, this is what the Lord says – he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar, and my daughters from the ends of the earth-everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” — Isaiah 43:1-7

So whether you are in middle school or high school, college or out of college, a girlfriend or single, engaged or married, re-married or divorced, or widowed, please stop for a few seconds and read on. Before you are any of the things I have just listed, you are first and foremost, a beloved daughter of the Holy God. He is your redeemer, He is your Provider, and He is your EVERYTHING. If you forget these truths like I do at times, if you get wrapped up in being with someone or not being with someone, take the time to go to Jesus. What a beautiful Lord we have! Life isn’t about whether or not we end up with someone. Actually, life isn’t about us at all. So whatever stage you are at in your love life right now, remember what the Lord has done for you… how He has redeemed you from your old self and how He has blessed you richly, and called you His daughter. I love you all very much — thanks for all of your encouragement and wisdom and perspectives, for your experiences and struggles shared with me. Have a happy Valentine’s day to the praise of our Love, of our God!

in His love,

g.

As I read through the missive, I was shocked by how much I needed to hear my own words spoken to me today. Here I am, a twenty-two year old woman about to marry the man I love in 132 days being reminded of Love in its most powerful form. Today, I needed to hear my voice when it was at its weakest: broken and vulnerable, uncertain and fearful. Sometimes, I wish I was as strong as I was when I was at my weakest. Please do not misunderstand me: I love my fiance and I cannot wait to call him my husband. But I am convinced that there was something my 19-year old heart knew back then that my 22-year old heart today — and I admit this with much chagrin — forgets… the indispensable, unshakeable, totally undeserved worth and value that I will forever have in the eyes of my Creator and the death He died for me on the cross is the incarnation of Everlasting Love.

Without God, my heart looks like swiss cheese.

So I write this to you in hope that what began as a desperation for love turned into a blessing can bless you as it blessed me today. And to the wonderful young woman who unknowingly made my day — thank you. I needed to hear those words today more than you know.

Now everyone go eat some nian gao and spring rolls for Chinese New Year. Chinese people don’t really like cheese, but that’s okay. The title is figurative.