chasing foxes.

An unexpected visitor terrorized our garden on July 4th. And no, it wasn’t an alien. At first glance, R. thought it was a raccoon; but upon closer examination, he determined that the visitor was actually a groundhog. R. jumped out onto the deck to chase the critter away from our already dying broccoli plants, but not before securing this incriminating piece of evidence… behold:

Exhibit A: Terrorist attack on dying broccoli plants

We laughed about it for a while before going about the rest of our day, but the image of the groundhog pillaging our garden remained in my mind. It made me remember the verse in Song of Solomon that says:

“Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.”
Song of Songs 2:15

Even though it was a groundhog and not a fox that encroached on our garden, which is not a vineyard, the imagery is still plenty vivid. Where the vineyard is a metaphor for a marriage that is in richly blooming, the foxes represent the snares that eventually ravage and ruin the marital relationship. Foxes are difficult to catch because they are sly and cunning, and it makes me think of the sly and cunning things that couples often let slide because they either aren’t paying attention or making enough effort to protect their love. Ultimatums, petty complaints, sarcastic remarks, a simple eye roll, a decision made without consent, a small white lie — these are a few of the things that come to my mind.

I’ve learned many things in my first (and counting!) year of marriage. For starters, R. is more idealistic than I, eager to accomplish as much as possible in one day where I enjoy being a realistic recluse and burrowing in quiet thoughts and activities. R. is definitely the cleaner one and is very detail-oriented when it comes to cleaning the house — which oddly drives me nuts yet makes me very grateful for the results. R. responds to text messages more than he’ll respond to me yelling from the kitchen about dinner being ready. Some of the more important things I’ve learned include the fact that R. is very even-tempered, which sometimes makes me feel like my temper is more closely aligned with the rage of a small child whose toys were just taken away. Also, R’s ability to be kind (one of his finest attributes) makes my attempts to be nice look really wimpy. Of course there are things that I do better than R., like cooking and listening to people’s problems and making things sound or look pretty. But if we were discussing character flaws, mine would appear more obviously than R.’s any day. Part of this may be due to the fact that I’m naturally more hormonal than he is, or it may be because I tend to express myself dramatically and impulsively… or both, I don’t know. I’ll just provide an example.

R’s parents and friends came to stay at our house last night in order to catch an early flight out to Hawaii for their vacation this morning. Being the kind and generous man that he is, my husband graciously offered to drive them to the airport at 4:30AM this morning even though he had to be at work by 7:30AM. If you knew how valuable sleep is to R., then you would understand that this was not a small sacrifice for him, especially since we only returned from a vacation on the West coast not too long ago. Nevertheless, at 4AM this morning, R. woke up after a brief sleep. The very first thing the man does is to pepper me with kisses to wake me up. What did I do in response?

I smacked him. Not on the face or anything, but my eyes were scrunched up and my instinct was to reach over and smack whatever was there because I was NOT happy to be up at 4 in the morning. I’m pretty sure I grumbled and said something stupid, too… but yea, to my shame, the smack happened.

A few thoughts are running through my head as I recount this story for you, like… what kind of woman DOESN’T want to wake up to a showering of kisses from her husband in the morning? Of all the reactions I could have had, I opted to smack him? Didn’t I just stand on stage at church this past Sunday and sing some song about waking up early in the morning and celebrating the light?? Yikes…

Needless to say, after R. left to take his parents and their friends to the airport, I was left alone for a bit to process my very early morning. By the time 6:00AM rolled around, I was awake enough to realize that my actions were blatantly indicative of my selfish heart. I began to remember the many times I’ve woken up to a peppering of kisses and playful “I love you, Stinky”‘s from my husband and the countless times I must have responded with a groan or grumble. I began to remember the times I let a sarcastic remark slide off my tongue only to realize later that my comment was out of line as well as the moments R. remained positive, encouraging, loving and patient despite my litany of complaints; and the incalculable times R. has told me again and again just how much he loves me no matter how little compassion I had shown towards him that day.

It is mysterious to me how God chooses to use the imagery of marriage to illustrate His constant pursuit of our hearts in relationship with Him. Where I am sinful in my grumbling, ungrateful attitude, selfishness and pride, God’s grace overflows. God demonstrates His love to me through my own earthly husband who is not without imperfections but rather, filled with grace to love. Remembering God’s promises to sanctify me through marriage compels me to chase the foxes out of my and R’s vineyard. It is funny to me that something as small as a hungry groundhog could remind me to rebuke the metaphorical foxes that I sometimes let into my marriage. But I guess lessons that are learned sooner than later are what counts.

R. and I celebrated our 1-year anniversary a few weeks ago. My mama, whose wisdom has substantially shaped my life, said to me: ”Things will get much harder eventually. There will come a time when they are almost too difficult to bear. Remember in those times during your marriage that God has given you an extraordinary bond with your husband and delights in sharing that connection with you together. That is your strongest weapon.”
Later that evening, as R. and I re-watched Jack Bauer uncover some national security conspiracy (again) while munching on popcorn, I piped up: “I’m so glad we have each other for the hard times in life.” To which R. responded, “We haven’t gone through anything hard yet. But when we do, we’ll do it together.”

I guess for now I’ll just work on chasing foxes away.