It’s a typical morning. I slip back into the room as quietly as I can, which usually involves the door shutting louder than I can help it. My flip-flops squish and squeak on their own accord as I make it back to the dresser to grab a change of clothes. Once dressed, I push the On button and get excited as the rich aroma of hazelnut wafts around my nose. I check the mail while the coffee machine burbles. At 8AM, my roommate’s alarm starts to jingle. She hits the snooze button within 10 seconds, rolls onto her side, and continues to sleep. Another typical morning.
Lately all I’ve been able to think about are the things-I-have-to-do. Write the paper, conclude that paper, begin researching for the other paper, revise the introduction on this paper. Learn the voice part for this song, practice these pieces for someone’s jury. Lead that meeting, delegate these tasks, figure out next week’s plans; study for those exams, freak out about studying for that one exam, then begin studying for it. And while I’m at it, why not fret about my schedule in the fall and wonder what the heck I’m doing after graduation even though it’s a year away. Not before long, a well of panic starts to rise up within me – and all I can do is to fight the urge to cry about how much I have yet to do and how much uncertainty I have…
My roommate’s alarm goes off again, the familiar jingle stuck in my head. She hits snooze again, breathes out and rolls over again. She goes through this routine about three times on a regular morning. But if she’s been up an extra hour or two, it will take many more snooze-hits and bed-rolls for her to climb down the top bunk. Not that I’m keeping track or anything…
And that’s when I notice the Verse Of The Day on top of my homepage. I know it even before I click on it – Psalm 139:13-14 has already been inscribed on a piece of cardboard on my wall. I click on it anyways. For You created me in my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
I’m chuckling now, because it hits me that God is not one bit surprised by my typical morning, my mornings that consist of waking up early to hit the gym, my mornings that involve a daily anticipation of yummy coffee and a track record of how many times Shelly hits the alarm. If that doesn’t surprise God, then my worrying shouldn’t surprise Him either. I guess He would know every thought and insecurity that flashes through my mind: where I’ll be headed next May and what I’ll do when I grow up (which is never, of course). I guess He would know how scared I am of running meetings and being in charge, how inadequate I feel sometimes in regard to my abilities. Only He would know that even though I hide it, I still care about how other people perceive me, especially other girls. He knows all of that.
My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.
It shouldn’t be so hard for me to believe that God is in control – He has totally knit me together. I’m still a working creation, I am fully functional (except when I am delirious). Junior year is finally drawing to a close. The older I get, the longer I walk with God, the less control I seem to have; the more room there is for faith to grow. How bizarre!
My roommate’s awake now. It’s time for me to go to class. No surprise there – everything will work out. I just have to work on remembering that every day.
gracebook 